Saturday, June 12, 2010

With This State of Limbo

I graduated from UC Berkeley with a B.A. degree in Mass Communications in May. W00t. Now what?

I’ve been searching for jobs and applying, but it feels like I am throwing my resumes and cover letters into a dark silent abyss that very occasionally responds and only when it feels like it. I know our economy is currently suffering a recession, but DAMN. I can stand waiting when I know when the end is expected, but it seems like the end may never come. I’ve talked with a lot of my friends who are in the same boat as me about this, and we honestly wonder, if we’re the ones who supposedly have our s*** together, then what’s happening to those who don’t?

Many people have asked me how I feel as a recent graduate. Honestly, I don’t feel that much different, perhaps due to the fact that I’m still here in Berkeley. Plus it’s summer. I’m used to not being in school during summer. I’m still going to be in Berkeley for a few more weeks or so, just subletting from a friend, before I move to San Francisco with Priya. At this point, it looks like I’ll move in before I land a job, which is fine. From my research online about job hunting, the average person takes 4 months to do it. Hmm. I started about 1.5 month ago so I suppose I have 2.5 months left. I have until September. By September 1st, I’m going to give up looking for marketing jobs and start searching for something that isn’t what I have planned. There are a lot of listings out there for marketing, and I've applied to what seems like a lot, but besides a few interviews that are miniscule compared to the amount I've applied for, nothing. I have pretty awesome alternatives in my mind, but still terribly worrisome.

I have a routine now every weekday: I wake up, I eat breakfast, I job hunt, I eat lunch at home or with a friend, I job hunt, I go work out (most of the time), I come back, eat and shower, I job hunt, I sleep. I surf the internet or chat with my friends on IM once in a while during this daily schedule. I go to bed almost every day around midnight and I wake up every day around 9 am. I pretty much stare at my computer all day...So I almost have the schedule of a full-time working professional. Getting ready too soon? I guess I've always liked to prepare early! *sarcastic guffaw*

OK now I’m going to throw in a completely weird analogy, but hear me out. This limbo state between college and “the real world” is similar to the situation regarding my hair right now. I’ve had my hair short for 10 years. I love it and I’m so used to it. Earlier this year I decided to grow it out because it seems like a good change, but it’s taking way longer than expected. The layers of my hair were cut in a very extreme way for my short hairdos, but as they grow longer, they look really stupid, for the lack of better terms. The hair salon lady has to slowly even them out every time I go in, taking a large chunk of my hair off. Sure, if I don’t do anything to it, I probably would have much longer hair but I will certainly look silly.

This situation is extremely awkward. I’m not accustomed to it; sometimes I have doubts about my decision (“What if I just go back to my old ways?! Oh but I already spent a lot of time on changing it”). Sometimes I even wonder if I’m doing it for the right reasons. Sometimes I see other women with awesome short hair and I get jealous.

I am not going to lie; I alternate among the following stages of emotions about this whole thing: gentle optimism, complete panic, restless anxiety, jealous bitterness, irritated upsetness, escapist avoidance, and stoic nonchalance.

Everyone (older and young, in school and working) keeps telling me the same advice: it’s difficult times right now, life will present its path to you eventually, etc. I appreciate the kindness, but is there anyone who can give me more practical tips?

Thanks, quarter life crisis. You’re driving me nuts.

Monday, March 1, 2010

With My Alter Ego/Muses

So in my Sexy Ladies Hip Hop dance class (the name may seem laughable but we take it as a very serious business, and it's fantastic), the instructor often tells us to channel our inner alter ego, ie. Beyonce and Sasha Fierce, in order to bring out more of a character to our moves.

I haven't named mine yet (sidenote: whatever name I thought of, it just sounds like a porn star/stripper's name), but I can tell you now who together in combination will make up my alter ego, because obviously I am too complex to have just one type of personality for my doppelganger:

Lady Gaga + Beyonce + Lily Allen + Rihanna + Tina Fey

This may be slightly confusing and impossible, but for instance, if you look at my dramatically different outfits from day to day, then you'll realize that I am always channeling one or two of those wonderful ladies' attitudes' with each of my outfit. And I am sorry that I am not deep enough to have anyone besides pop stars and a comedian, but this is MY alter ego.

Well I've also bought the art/feminist studies book Dangerous Women: The Perils of Muses and Femme Fatales recently. I've begun to read it and it's really fascinating. Maybe I'll find more inspiration there soon. ;)

P.S. This semester so far has been AMAZING. <3

Friday, February 19, 2010

With This Rainer Maria Rilke Quote

"I beg you... to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."


For myself and others who look for explanations and cannot find them.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

With This Decade/ New Year’s Resolutions

It might seem like a trite thing to do, but really, I haven’t made New Year’s Resolutions since we were forced to for an essay in 4th or 5th grade. I am not the type of person to only set personal goals that have to be completed within a year, because for me, everything in myself that I want to improve should be an ongoing work in progress.

However, 2009 has been absolutely terrible for me overall. I know that a lot of people say that the past year was crappy for everyone because of the economy and all, but trust me, a lot of my problems and the issues I had to face in 2009 were not caused by the recession at all. Therefore, I am determined to steer my life back into the right direction, starting in 2010.

Actually, I am really excited about the possibilities of this DECADE. I feel like decades apparently have a lot of impact on me. I was in Taiwan the first 12 years of my life, and then in 2000, we immigrated to California. Needlessly to say that from 2000 to 2010 brought on numerous and massive changes for me. Also, I graduated from elementary school in 2000 and I will be graduating from university in 2010! I really enjoyed my grade school experience and I certainly can say that the 4 years at Cal have been quite influential for me. As for the years of middle school and high school...they went by rather painfully and hazily. I couldn't get out of Modesto fast enough.

If things go my way, for 2010 to 2020, I plan on finding the right career path for me, finding the right apartment, have my family life finally settled down, and perhaps starting a family of my own? That last one kind of depends on a lot of things.

On a lighter note, I had my hair long (down to my waist for the most part) for almost a decade, and then I’ve had my hair short (always between touching my shoulders and ear length) for another ten years. I plan on growing my hair out starting this year.

It’s weird that I love consistency and stability for the core of things, yet I crave exciting changes and want variety all the time for the peripherals of things.

Anyway, onto my abridged version of my 2010 New Year Resolutions- some were taken out because they were too silly, some because they were kind of mundane.

1. Never fully trust someone until they have absolutely earned it: A lesson learned from the hard way. I really like being optimistic and I like to trust people, but I just keep getting disappointed. I should be cautious about giving second chances as well.

2. Get a kitty, or foster one, or at least try really hard at it: I adore cats. I am not going to get into a dogs vs. cats debate, but cats make me unbelievably happy. I really think that having a loyal and affectionate pet for a companion would be incredibly beneficial for when I graduate and move out of the campus.

3. Cook and bake according to recipes more: I used to always look up new recipes to try and plan on elaborate meals frequently, but I haven’t done it as often in 2009 due to various negative reasons. I know that it can be a very therapeutic and or rewarding activity for me though. I want to challenge making and possibly mastering pies, crème brulée, various kinds of soup, and quiche specifically. Next step will be soufflé! I also want to try cooking other type of cuisines. So far I have only really tried making Chinese, Italian, and American.

4. Stop caring so much about people and things when they are not worth it: Pretty self-explanatory. I am certain that I have wasted way too much of my energy and effort and time over a lot of unnecessary events in the past.

5. Waste less money and time: Need to manage money better and procrastinate less.

6. Elevate and maintain level of physical fitness: When I did sports in high school, it seemed like I would never run out of energy and get sick ever. It’s not practical for me to try to become that athletic again, but I really hope to have a better sleeping schedule and to keep up with yoga, Pilates, hip hop, and belly dancing. Also I reckon that if I work hard now, it’ll be easier to get into the habit of it for the later parts of my life.

7. Read more: And magazines do not count. Libraries are cool places.

8. Attend more concerts, performances, and exhibitions: My usual excuse was that I don’t have the time or money or that I am too lazy to travel that far for that experience. Such crap.

9. Appreciate more: As in myself, friends and family.

10. Maintain my high standards: Others always tell me that I expect too much of people, but honestly, I shouldn’t have to lower my standards. They should rise up to mine. I may sound like a unreasonable bitch, but really, I just expect everyone to be decent human beings.

The end of 2009 and the beginning of 2010 so far have been amazing for me (I will blog about my winter break once it is complete). I really hope that this will continue.

To wrap it up, to all my lovely fellow UC Berkeley (yes, I hella play favorites) recent and almost graduate friends, this decade is ours. Carpe diem.

Monday, November 30, 2009

With Quarter Life Crisis

I think the first time I encountered the term “quarter life” was when I was looking for internships (from the internqueen, actually). It seems strange because all I heard about before was “mid life” and of course the crisis that comes associated with it.

Quarter life crisis has become a more common concept. Books have been published about it. Articles have been written devoted to it. Some TV news segments have been done on the topic. I personally have very mixed feelings about it, because according to this Huffington Post article that identifies the "symptoms," I definitely am experiencing it right now, yet to admit that seems like I am almost using it as an scapegoat. And I know for a fact that some of the issues I am facing have nothing to do with my age.

And just because it’s “normal, and everyone else does it” doesn’t mean that I should fall prey to it as well. I hate being peer pressured into anything. At the same time, apparently my need to “have it all” and often “insisting to do it alone” are also signs that I am going through a quarter life crisis. =_=

I know what I want to do with my life; the trouble is how to get every piece of the puzzle in place. I disagree with the idea that 20-somethings are still “figuring themselves out,” or at least as applied to me. I think the core of me is fully developed and pretty set. The minor things might change but that’s it.

And apparently quarter life is even more difficult for women?! (*grumble* of course, again)

Most authors say that this is kind of a “rite of passage” that’s inevitable (…like puberty?). Good news is that it shall pass. I am going to try to make this phase of my life go by faster then.

Anyway, I have looked through some online articles on how to survive your 20’s/quarter life (ok I admit that most of them happened to be by Christine Hassler. I am sorry! But I like her advice the most). Here are the best ones. I paraphrased most of them and the phrases in quotation marks are direct quotes.

1. Don’t be afraid to ask for advice – I actually do this often, but whether or not I take the suggestions is another story. Some sources say to browse through the self-help sections at bookstores as well.

2. “Up your financial IQ”- I really agree with this one, and I really need to do it.
3. “Know that you’re not alone”- Yes, it’s comforting to know that I am not the only one messed up.
4. “Don't wait for permission, approval or validation” – I whole-heartedly agree with this one! Case in point: my tattoos and recently dyed blue and purple hair.

5. It’s ok to rely on other people…- such as friends and family
6. …but then remember to have some me time – AKA self-reflection and self-investigation time. This one may seem silly especially if you’re a busy person with little resources (um, who can afford a soul-searching journey right now? In terms of money and time?), but honestly, being alone by choice is pretty awesome sometimes. I love watching movies and TV shows by myself because I don’t have to contain my emotions for others’ sake.

7. Balance and prioritize- Eh, I think I do that pretty well. Otherwise I would have breakdowns every month. However, sometimes it really seems like those two things are mutually exclusive of one another.
8. Appreciate what you do have… - Hmm, I probably don’t do this frequently enough.
9. …but a pity party is allowed once in a while- it’s okay to just wallow in sadness or anger in a given time, because it helps you get the upsetness out and then you can move on.

10. Stop comparing- Ie. don’t be jealous of your peers. Know that everyone’s different and are in different situations.
11. Be in the present- In other words, stop being nostalgic about the past and worrying about the future… I think this one will the most difficult one for me to follow. I have extremely good, detailed memory of the things I want to remember, and I am a planner.

12. Stop overanalyzing things, including yourself- But I like and am good at critical thinking and looking at things from multiple angles!... This is going to be another hard one.
13. “Know That 'Having It All' Is a Myth”- Very hard to accept when I want to be the best that I can and improve myself and all that jazz!...

…and then there are a bunch on career, which I personally think I can do without.

That’s all I got. Hopefully I can practice what I preach.

*Sources cited 1 2

Friday, November 27, 2009

Thanksgiving

Berktown has been so quiet and empty for the past few days. The kinds of people I see around campus can be categorized into the following groups:

(1) international students
(2) out of state students
(3) a few Bay Area locals who were just hanging out in Berkeley
(4) people who are on the way to somewhere else
(5) homeless people

Yes, it’s quite depressing. It’s like being single on Valentine’s Day. You know it’s just like any other night, but the fact that you know other people are doing something special makes it slightly difficult to be alone.

This Thanksgiving is arguably the only “real one” I have ever experienced. My nuclear family is immigrants and we do not really care about this holiday. For the past two years, I went to a boyfriend’s house for Thanksgiving, but I felt that I was experiencing it from an outsider’s point of view. Literally it’s their relatives, the people they have married, and then me, both times. It was like I was making a guest appearance in some other family’s gathering. And before that, I think I just thought of Thanksgiving as a freebie day off from school.

My friend Melissa’s family was going to kindly adopt me this year, but at the last minute, I was informed that our entire huge extended family are all going to one of my aunts' house because one of my uncles is here from Taiwan, and he’s not here often. It was super fun. About 50 Taiwanese-/Chinese-Americans under one roof. A lot of Chinese food, alcohol, and picture-taking were involved. ☺

It’s really weird to think about how much our family is going to expand. And even weirder to imagine how I am going to fit into all of it in the future. I have about 20 first cousins alone. And some of them are already married. Few even already have kids. At my cousin Amy’s wedding last week, the group of us 18-25 year old first cousins was talking about making a bet about which of us will get married soon.

Anyway, I am thankful for the following.
… that I am still very close with my brother, despite rarely seeing him anymore
… for my friends who have helped and supported me in any manner possible
… for UC Berkeley (even though I have very, very severe senioritis, I have really learned here)

… realizing that my extended family is pretty awesome and that I do like them (long story short: I didn’t meet most of them until I immigrated here and when they first met me, I was too young and spoke terrible English. And then after that I became more occupied with school and stopped attending family events. It was more like I didn’t know them enough to like them, but recently from Amy’s wedding and Thanksgiving, I have gotten to know them better.)

… for health, mine and other worthy figures' in my life
… that Taiwan is still there, not bombed, in the middle of a war or anything
… that this year is almost over and 2010 will be a brand new year (2009 has been very rough on me, but hey, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?)

Monday, November 2, 2009

With How People Don't Take Marketing Seriously At All

I am so fed up about the fact that in general, people do not think marketing is difficult or complex. Oftentimes, they think it's common sense because they are exposed to it every day.

But let me ask you this: Do you know what a good portrait painting of a person look like? Right, it should look like the person realistically, of course... Does that mean everyone who knows that can paint good portraits? NO. Do you know what food tastes good? YES. Do you know how to make every single dish of these cuisines then? NO.

And this kind of "If I have experienced it enough, then I must be good enough to do it myself" logic seems to strangely only apply to marketing for some reason. For instance, I don't think anyone without proper training and education would walk into an accounting firm and demand a job because he or she "deals with money all the time." Unless they're crazy, I guess.

Most people (educated, and or successful people included) do not understand the delicate subtleties and the intricate planning that go behind marketing. The computer that you're using right now to read this? What the model is called and how much it's priced were carefully calculated by a group of marketers, and the packaging that it came in? Ditto.

The ad that you saw in that magazine you read at the dentist's office? Strategically placed in a section with content that would not contradict the ad's message or lead the reader to something else other than the preferred meaning AND the ad was placed in that magazine based on the demographics and interests of the magazine's average reader in order to optimize the ad's effectiveness.

All the commercial websites you go to? If it's a good enough company, the website design was carefully made in order for the highest usability to ensure the best user experience and to draw attention to the most important aspects of the website. If it was a REALLY good company, they probably have conducted focus groups to make sure the first time users have no problem navigating their websites that they are going to the sections that they're supposed to be most focused on.

Everything I mention IS part of marketing. Product naming, packaging design, brand management, media planning, product marketing... and there are so much more to marketing that those aspects, too. A lot of times, doing anything in marketing requires evidence from research, of the current market, of competitors, and of consumers as well.

It's totally fine that you don't understand what goes on in marketing, but please, do not downplay the difficulty of marketing if you have actually never worked on it or even learned about it in some way.

Here's a little anecdote: This person I used to work with in my student organization (I am not going to name him) really did not see the point of marketing AT ALL. He told me that it's like that baseball field thing: "If we build it, then they'll come." His argument was that if the product is good enough, then people will want to buy it. After he resigned, he somehow got involved in this crowd-sourcing marketing campaign for an energy drink. And guess what? He ended up apologizing to me and telling that marketing is a lot harder and more complex than he imagined.

...Why can't everyone just respect each other's job? Is it because people just think of marketing negatively? But somehow, I don't agree with giving plastic surgery unless the person were deformed, but I am not going to say, "Oh, liposuction is so easy to do! Anyone can stick a needle in someone's stomach and suck all the fat out!" The fact that you don't like something, doesn't mean that it loses its significance or level of complexity.

You can dislike marketing, but don't you dare tell me that it's easy. If it was easy, then all of our commercials would be reduced to "BUY THIS PRODUCT RIGHT HERE" over and over again, every product's name will just be what item it is (a PC will be computer type 1 and a Mac will be computer type 2), there'll be no need to have different prices for products within the same product category, you'll be wearing the same type of clothes as your grandpa, everything will just come in one color, everything's packaging will be in plain brown paper bags or white cartons, and everything ever produced will get bought, and there is no need to worry about surplus at all.

Yea, why don't you have fun with that.