I don't have time to write a real post (the more accurate explanation is actually because I am not very motivated to do one), but I feel obligated to introduce a more optimistic tone into this blog after all the negativity that is the dark black hole of job hunting...
It will take too long for me to describe exactly what's been happening in my life recently, but basically, I went from :( to :). As simple as that. Factors/reasons include:
- I got hired as a paid full-time marketing intern 2 weeks before I was supposed to give up on marketing and become a clothing retail salesgirl during the day who moonlights as a go-go dancer at night.
- Even though I was sad that I couldn't live with one of my best friends Priya anymore due to her job, I have found a great apartment to share with 3 amazing older dudes. They're my older brother/father figures who are 30 years old. I love them, and I'm learning a lot about men (translation: they never mature).
- I am loving living in San Francisco. City girl at heart, wassup?
- Overall successful albeit slow rebuilding of relationships with my family.
- Discovering that true friends stay in touch and care about each other no matter how far away or how busy they are. (You know I'm talking to you: Melissa, Ashley, and Priya)
- And many other smaller things, of course.
There are also things that made me change my attitude and worldview for the better:
- Yoga, excluding my impure ulterior motive, too.
- The book "Eat, Pray, Love." I HIGHLY recommend everyone to read this true story. The movie is a shallow adaption of the book but that's always expected.
- SO. MANY. MIRACLES.
I'm not talking about miracles like I found the cure for cancer but miracles on a small personal scale. Think when Anne Hathaway's character Mia in the movie "Princess Diaries" says she wants a miracle different from discovering that she's an European princess (Yes, I just admitted that I love that film). That kind of miracles. Two examples:
- I got hired as an intern on Friday the 13th. And earlier that day I received 4 other calls for 4 other interviews. And later that day I ended up not needing to pay for dinner by accident on the waiter's part...and no, I'm not that good of a person to let him know that my dinner wasn't on the check. All on supposedly the unluckiest day ever.
- I was able to reconnect with my (long-lost in a way) high school best friend Kali through finding her beauty blog on Eliza Dushku's tweet. Yea. WTF, right?!
I've realized lately how incredibly powerful the timing of things is. Thankfully, it has been favoring me instead of acting against me... I don't know if you can tell (most likely), but I have control issues. I want to plan out everything. I want to know what's on schedule for me at all times. The scariest part of quarter life crisis for me is the uncertainly and unpredictability of what will happen when. For other people it may be fun and spontaneous; for me, it's something that I try desperately to prevent from happening.
With everything happening lately though, I've been able to let loose a bit and let things come to me naturally without worrying THAT much. It's not an easy task for me to do at all to "go with the flow," "roll with the punches," and "play it by ear" (*secret groan because I dislike these phrases*) but optimism does come natural to me, so at least I got that.
I've also started to pray almost daily. I am still non-religious and one of the most secular people ever though because my prayers are said to an unnamed higher power of no organized religion. It's more for organizing my own thoughts and feelings, and sending positive thoughts and energy to those whom I think need help. And it's pretty casual. I just pray lying in bed right before I fall sleep. Basically, I stole this from the author of "Eat, Pray, Love" Elizabeth Gilbert. So far, it's been going really well. Can't really tell if my prayers are coming true per se, but they make me feel better.
I am sensing a new part of quarter life crisis coming my way though as I start to worry about my career path since I can't possibly be an intern forever. But this time, instead of freaking out with sheer panic as I see a storm approach, I chill on the beach and say "eh, I will deal with it when it comes closer."
Life is so funny. It's like I never got its humor until recently, and I am only able to laugh at its old jokes now. Good one, life!
Showing posts with label quarter life crisis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label quarter life crisis. Show all posts
Friday, October 15, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
With This State of Limbo
I graduated from UC Berkeley with a B.A. degree in Mass Communications in May. W00t. Now what?
I’ve been searching for jobs and applying, but it feels like I am throwing my resumes and cover letters into a dark silent abyss that very occasionally responds and only when it feels like it. I know our economy is currently suffering a recession, but DAMN. I can stand waiting when I know when the end is expected, but it seems like the end may never come. I’ve talked with a lot of my friends who are in the same boat as me about this, and we honestly wonder, if we’re the ones who supposedly have our s*** together, then what’s happening to those who don’t?
Many people have asked me how I feel as a recent graduate. Honestly, I don’t feel that much different, perhaps due to the fact that I’m still here in Berkeley. Plus it’s summer. I’m used to not being in school during summer. I’m still going to be in Berkeley for a few more weeks or so, just subletting from a friend, before I move to San Francisco with Priya. At this point, it looks like I’ll move in before I land a job, which is fine. From my research online about job hunting, the average person takes 4 months to do it. Hmm. I started about 1.5 month ago so I suppose I have 2.5 months left. I have until September. By September 1st, I’m going to give up looking for marketing jobs and start searching for something that isn’t what I have planned. There are a lot of listings out there for marketing, and I've applied to what seems like a lot, but besides a few interviews that are miniscule compared to the amount I've applied for, nothing. I have pretty awesome alternatives in my mind, but still terribly worrisome.
I have a routine now every weekday: I wake up, I eat breakfast, I job hunt, I eat lunch at home or with a friend, I job hunt, I go work out (most of the time), I come back, eat and shower, I job hunt, I sleep. I surf the internet or chat with my friends on IM once in a while during this daily schedule. I go to bed almost every day around midnight and I wake up every day around 9 am. I pretty much stare at my computer all day...So I almost have the schedule of a full-time working professional. Getting ready too soon? I guess I've always liked to prepare early! *sarcastic guffaw*
OK now I’m going to throw in a completely weird analogy, but hear me out. This limbo state between college and “the real world” is similar to the situation regarding my hair right now. I’ve had my hair short for 10 years. I love it and I’m so used to it. Earlier this year I decided to grow it out because it seems like a good change, but it’s taking way longer than expected. The layers of my hair were cut in a very extreme way for my short hairdos, but as they grow longer, they look really stupid, for the lack of better terms. The hair salon lady has to slowly even them out every time I go in, taking a large chunk of my hair off. Sure, if I don’t do anything to it, I probably would have much longer hair but I will certainly look silly.
This situation is extremely awkward. I’m not accustomed to it; sometimes I have doubts about my decision (“What if I just go back to my old ways?! Oh but I already spent a lot of time on changing it”). Sometimes I even wonder if I’m doing it for the right reasons. Sometimes I see other women with awesome short hair and I get jealous.
I am not going to lie; I alternate among the following stages of emotions about this whole thing: gentle optimism, complete panic, restless anxiety, jealous bitterness, irritated upsetness, escapist avoidance, and stoic nonchalance.
Everyone (older and young, in school and working) keeps telling me the same advice: it’s difficult times right now, life will present its path to you eventually, etc. I appreciate the kindness, but is there anyone who can give me more practical tips?
Thanks, quarter life crisis. You’re driving me nuts.
I’ve been searching for jobs and applying, but it feels like I am throwing my resumes and cover letters into a dark silent abyss that very occasionally responds and only when it feels like it. I know our economy is currently suffering a recession, but DAMN. I can stand waiting when I know when the end is expected, but it seems like the end may never come. I’ve talked with a lot of my friends who are in the same boat as me about this, and we honestly wonder, if we’re the ones who supposedly have our s*** together, then what’s happening to those who don’t?
Many people have asked me how I feel as a recent graduate. Honestly, I don’t feel that much different, perhaps due to the fact that I’m still here in Berkeley. Plus it’s summer. I’m used to not being in school during summer. I’m still going to be in Berkeley for a few more weeks or so, just subletting from a friend, before I move to San Francisco with Priya. At this point, it looks like I’ll move in before I land a job, which is fine. From my research online about job hunting, the average person takes 4 months to do it. Hmm. I started about 1.5 month ago so I suppose I have 2.5 months left. I have until September. By September 1st, I’m going to give up looking for marketing jobs and start searching for something that isn’t what I have planned. There are a lot of listings out there for marketing, and I've applied to what seems like a lot, but besides a few interviews that are miniscule compared to the amount I've applied for, nothing. I have pretty awesome alternatives in my mind, but still terribly worrisome.
I have a routine now every weekday: I wake up, I eat breakfast, I job hunt, I eat lunch at home or with a friend, I job hunt, I go work out (most of the time), I come back, eat and shower, I job hunt, I sleep. I surf the internet or chat with my friends on IM once in a while during this daily schedule. I go to bed almost every day around midnight and I wake up every day around 9 am. I pretty much stare at my computer all day...So I almost have the schedule of a full-time working professional. Getting ready too soon? I guess I've always liked to prepare early! *sarcastic guffaw*
OK now I’m going to throw in a completely weird analogy, but hear me out. This limbo state between college and “the real world” is similar to the situation regarding my hair right now. I’ve had my hair short for 10 years. I love it and I’m so used to it. Earlier this year I decided to grow it out because it seems like a good change, but it’s taking way longer than expected. The layers of my hair were cut in a very extreme way for my short hairdos, but as they grow longer, they look really stupid, for the lack of better terms. The hair salon lady has to slowly even them out every time I go in, taking a large chunk of my hair off. Sure, if I don’t do anything to it, I probably would have much longer hair but I will certainly look silly.
This situation is extremely awkward. I’m not accustomed to it; sometimes I have doubts about my decision (“What if I just go back to my old ways?! Oh but I already spent a lot of time on changing it”). Sometimes I even wonder if I’m doing it for the right reasons. Sometimes I see other women with awesome short hair and I get jealous.
I am not going to lie; I alternate among the following stages of emotions about this whole thing: gentle optimism, complete panic, restless anxiety, jealous bitterness, irritated upsetness, escapist avoidance, and stoic nonchalance.
Everyone (older and young, in school and working) keeps telling me the same advice: it’s difficult times right now, life will present its path to you eventually, etc. I appreciate the kindness, but is there anyone who can give me more practical tips?
Thanks, quarter life crisis. You’re driving me nuts.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
With This Decade/ New Year’s Resolutions
It might seem like a trite thing to do, but really, I haven’t made New Year’s Resolutions since we were forced to for an essay in 4th or 5th grade. I am not the type of person to only set personal goals that have to be completed within a year, because for me, everything in myself that I want to improve should be an ongoing work in progress.
However, 2009 has been absolutely terrible for me overall. I know that a lot of people say that the past year was crappy for everyone because of the economy and all, but trust me, a lot of my problems and the issues I had to face in 2009 were not caused by the recession at all. Therefore, I am determined to steer my life back into the right direction, starting in 2010.
Actually, I am really excited about the possibilities of this DECADE. I feel like decades apparently have a lot of impact on me. I was in Taiwan the first 12 years of my life, and then in 2000, we immigrated to California. Needlessly to say that from 2000 to 2010 brought on numerous and massive changes for me. Also, I graduated from elementary school in 2000 and I will be graduating from university in 2010! I really enjoyed my grade school experience and I certainly can say that the 4 years at Cal have been quite influential for me. As for the years of middle school and high school...they went by rather painfully and hazily. I couldn't get out of Modesto fast enough.
If things go my way, for 2010 to 2020, I plan on finding the right career path for me, finding the right apartment, have my family life finally settled down, and perhaps starting a family of my own? That last one kind of depends on a lot of things.
On a lighter note, I had my hair long (down to my waist for the most part) for almost a decade, and then I’ve had my hair short (always between touching my shoulders and ear length) for another ten years. I plan on growing my hair out starting this year.
It’s weird that I love consistency and stability for the core of things, yet I crave exciting changes and want variety all the time for the peripherals of things.
Anyway, onto my abridged version of my 2010 New Year Resolutions- some were taken out because they were too silly, some because they were kind of mundane.
1. Never fully trust someone until they have absolutely earned it: A lesson learned from the hard way. I really like being optimistic and I like to trust people, but I just keep getting disappointed. I should be cautious about giving second chances as well.
2. Get a kitty, or foster one, or at least try really hard at it: I adore cats. I am not going to get into a dogs vs. cats debate, but cats make me unbelievably happy. I really think that having a loyal and affectionate pet for a companion would be incredibly beneficial for when I graduate and move out of the campus.
3. Cook and bake according to recipes more: I used to always look up new recipes to try and plan on elaborate meals frequently, but I haven’t done it as often in 2009 due to various negative reasons. I know that it can be a very therapeutic and or rewarding activity for me though. I want to challenge making and possibly mastering pies, crème brulée, various kinds of soup, and quiche specifically. Next step will be soufflé! I also want to try cooking other type of cuisines. So far I have only really tried making Chinese, Italian, and American.
4. Stop caring so much about people and things when they are not worth it: Pretty self-explanatory. I am certain that I have wasted way too much of my energy and effort and time over a lot of unnecessary events in the past.
5. Waste less money and time: Need to manage money better and procrastinate less.
6. Elevate and maintain level of physical fitness: When I did sports in high school, it seemed like I would never run out of energy and get sick ever. It’s not practical for me to try to become that athletic again, but I really hope to have a better sleeping schedule and to keep up with yoga, Pilates, hip hop, and belly dancing. Also I reckon that if I work hard now, it’ll be easier to get into the habit of it for the later parts of my life.
7. Read more: And magazines do not count. Libraries are cool places.
8. Attend more concerts, performances, and exhibitions: My usual excuse was that I don’t have the time or money or that I am too lazy to travel that far for that experience. Such crap.
9. Appreciate more: As in myself, friends and family.
10. Maintain my high standards: Others always tell me that I expect too much of people, but honestly, I shouldn’t have to lower my standards. They should rise up to mine. I may sound like a unreasonable bitch, but really, I just expect everyone to be decent human beings.
The end of 2009 and the beginning of 2010 so far have been amazing for me (I will blog about my winter break once it is complete). I really hope that this will continue.
To wrap it up, to all my lovely fellow UC Berkeley (yes, I hella play favorites) recent and almost graduate friends, this decade is ours. Carpe diem.
However, 2009 has been absolutely terrible for me overall. I know that a lot of people say that the past year was crappy for everyone because of the economy and all, but trust me, a lot of my problems and the issues I had to face in 2009 were not caused by the recession at all. Therefore, I am determined to steer my life back into the right direction, starting in 2010.
Actually, I am really excited about the possibilities of this DECADE. I feel like decades apparently have a lot of impact on me. I was in Taiwan the first 12 years of my life, and then in 2000, we immigrated to California. Needlessly to say that from 2000 to 2010 brought on numerous and massive changes for me. Also, I graduated from elementary school in 2000 and I will be graduating from university in 2010! I really enjoyed my grade school experience and I certainly can say that the 4 years at Cal have been quite influential for me. As for the years of middle school and high school...they went by rather painfully and hazily. I couldn't get out of Modesto fast enough.
If things go my way, for 2010 to 2020, I plan on finding the right career path for me, finding the right apartment, have my family life finally settled down, and perhaps starting a family of my own? That last one kind of depends on a lot of things.
On a lighter note, I had my hair long (down to my waist for the most part) for almost a decade, and then I’ve had my hair short (always between touching my shoulders and ear length) for another ten years. I plan on growing my hair out starting this year.
It’s weird that I love consistency and stability for the core of things, yet I crave exciting changes and want variety all the time for the peripherals of things.
Anyway, onto my abridged version of my 2010 New Year Resolutions- some were taken out because they were too silly, some because they were kind of mundane.
1. Never fully trust someone until they have absolutely earned it: A lesson learned from the hard way. I really like being optimistic and I like to trust people, but I just keep getting disappointed. I should be cautious about giving second chances as well.
2. Get a kitty, or foster one, or at least try really hard at it: I adore cats. I am not going to get into a dogs vs. cats debate, but cats make me unbelievably happy. I really think that having a loyal and affectionate pet for a companion would be incredibly beneficial for when I graduate and move out of the campus.
3. Cook and bake according to recipes more: I used to always look up new recipes to try and plan on elaborate meals frequently, but I haven’t done it as often in 2009 due to various negative reasons. I know that it can be a very therapeutic and or rewarding activity for me though. I want to challenge making and possibly mastering pies, crème brulée, various kinds of soup, and quiche specifically. Next step will be soufflé! I also want to try cooking other type of cuisines. So far I have only really tried making Chinese, Italian, and American.
4. Stop caring so much about people and things when they are not worth it: Pretty self-explanatory. I am certain that I have wasted way too much of my energy and effort and time over a lot of unnecessary events in the past.
5. Waste less money and time: Need to manage money better and procrastinate less.
6. Elevate and maintain level of physical fitness: When I did sports in high school, it seemed like I would never run out of energy and get sick ever. It’s not practical for me to try to become that athletic again, but I really hope to have a better sleeping schedule and to keep up with yoga, Pilates, hip hop, and belly dancing. Also I reckon that if I work hard now, it’ll be easier to get into the habit of it for the later parts of my life.
7. Read more: And magazines do not count. Libraries are cool places.
8. Attend more concerts, performances, and exhibitions: My usual excuse was that I don’t have the time or money or that I am too lazy to travel that far for that experience. Such crap.
9. Appreciate more: As in myself, friends and family.
10. Maintain my high standards: Others always tell me that I expect too much of people, but honestly, I shouldn’t have to lower my standards. They should rise up to mine. I may sound like a unreasonable bitch, but really, I just expect everyone to be decent human beings.
The end of 2009 and the beginning of 2010 so far have been amazing for me (I will blog about my winter break once it is complete). I really hope that this will continue.
To wrap it up, to all my lovely fellow UC Berkeley (yes, I hella play favorites) recent and almost graduate friends, this decade is ours. Carpe diem.
Monday, November 30, 2009
With Quarter Life Crisis
I think the first time I encountered the term “quarter life” was when I was looking for internships (from the internqueen, actually). It seems strange because all I heard about before was “mid life” and of course the crisis that comes associated with it.
Quarter life crisis has become a more common concept. Books have been published about it. Articles have been written devoted to it. Some TV news segments have been done on the topic. I personally have very mixed feelings about it, because according to this Huffington Post article that identifies the "symptoms," I definitely am experiencing it right now, yet to admit that seems like I am almost using it as an scapegoat. And I know for a fact that some of the issues I am facing have nothing to do with my age.
And just because it’s “normal, and everyone else does it” doesn’t mean that I should fall prey to it as well. I hate being peer pressured into anything. At the same time, apparently my need to “have it all” and often “insisting to do it alone” are also signs that I am going through a quarter life crisis. =_=
I know what I want to do with my life; the trouble is how to get every piece of the puzzle in place. I disagree with the idea that 20-somethings are still “figuring themselves out,” or at least as applied to me. I think the core of me is fully developed and pretty set. The minor things might change but that’s it.
And apparently quarter life is even more difficult for women?! (*grumble* of course, again)
Most authors say that this is kind of a “rite of passage” that’s inevitable (…like puberty?). Good news is that it shall pass. I am going to try to make this phase of my life go by faster then.
Anyway, I have looked through some online articles on how to survive your 20’s/quarter life (ok I admit that most of them happened to be by Christine Hassler. I am sorry! But I like her advice the most). Here are the best ones. I paraphrased most of them and the phrases in quotation marks are direct quotes.
1. Don’t be afraid to ask for advice – I actually do this often, but whether or not I take the suggestions is another story. Some sources say to browse through the self-help sections at bookstores as well.
2. “Up your financial IQ”- I really agree with this one, and I really need to do it.
3. “Know that you’re not alone”- Yes, it’s comforting to know that I am not the only one messed up.
4. “Don't wait for permission, approval or validation” – I whole-heartedly agree with this one! Case in point: my tattoos and recently dyed blue and purple hair.
5. It’s ok to rely on other people…- such as friends and family
6. …but then remember to have some me time – AKA self-reflection and self-investigation time. This one may seem silly especially if you’re a busy person with little resources (um, who can afford a soul-searching journey right now? In terms of money and time?), but honestly, being alone by choice is pretty awesome sometimes. I love watching movies and TV shows by myself because I don’t have to contain my emotions for others’ sake.
7. Balance and prioritize- Eh, I think I do that pretty well. Otherwise I would have breakdowns every month. However, sometimes it really seems like those two things are mutually exclusive of one another.
8. Appreciate what you do have… - Hmm, I probably don’t do this frequently enough.
9. …but a pity party is allowed once in a while- it’s okay to just wallow in sadness or anger in a given time, because it helps you get the upsetness out and then you can move on.
10. Stop comparing- Ie. don’t be jealous of your peers. Know that everyone’s different and are in different situations.
11. Be in the present- In other words, stop being nostalgic about the past and worrying about the future… I think this one will the most difficult one for me to follow. I have extremely good, detailed memory of the things I want to remember, and I am a planner.
12. Stop overanalyzing things, including yourself- But I like and am good at critical thinking and looking at things from multiple angles!... This is going to be another hard one.
13. “Know That 'Having It All' Is a Myth”- Very hard to accept when I want to be the best that I can and improve myself and all that jazz!...
…and then there are a bunch on career, which I personally think I can do without.
That’s all I got. Hopefully I can practice what I preach.
*Sources cited 1 2
Quarter life crisis has become a more common concept. Books have been published about it. Articles have been written devoted to it. Some TV news segments have been done on the topic. I personally have very mixed feelings about it, because according to this Huffington Post article that identifies the "symptoms," I definitely am experiencing it right now, yet to admit that seems like I am almost using it as an scapegoat. And I know for a fact that some of the issues I am facing have nothing to do with my age.
And just because it’s “normal, and everyone else does it” doesn’t mean that I should fall prey to it as well. I hate being peer pressured into anything. At the same time, apparently my need to “have it all” and often “insisting to do it alone” are also signs that I am going through a quarter life crisis. =_=
I know what I want to do with my life; the trouble is how to get every piece of the puzzle in place. I disagree with the idea that 20-somethings are still “figuring themselves out,” or at least as applied to me. I think the core of me is fully developed and pretty set. The minor things might change but that’s it.
And apparently quarter life is even more difficult for women?! (*grumble* of course, again)
Most authors say that this is kind of a “rite of passage” that’s inevitable (…like puberty?). Good news is that it shall pass. I am going to try to make this phase of my life go by faster then.
Anyway, I have looked through some online articles on how to survive your 20’s/quarter life (ok I admit that most of them happened to be by Christine Hassler. I am sorry! But I like her advice the most). Here are the best ones. I paraphrased most of them and the phrases in quotation marks are direct quotes.
1. Don’t be afraid to ask for advice – I actually do this often, but whether or not I take the suggestions is another story. Some sources say to browse through the self-help sections at bookstores as well.
2. “Up your financial IQ”- I really agree with this one, and I really need to do it.
3. “Know that you’re not alone”- Yes, it’s comforting to know that I am not the only one messed up.
4. “Don't wait for permission, approval or validation” – I whole-heartedly agree with this one! Case in point: my tattoos and recently dyed blue and purple hair.
5. It’s ok to rely on other people…- such as friends and family
6. …but then remember to have some me time – AKA self-reflection and self-investigation time. This one may seem silly especially if you’re a busy person with little resources (um, who can afford a soul-searching journey right now? In terms of money and time?), but honestly, being alone by choice is pretty awesome sometimes. I love watching movies and TV shows by myself because I don’t have to contain my emotions for others’ sake.
7. Balance and prioritize- Eh, I think I do that pretty well. Otherwise I would have breakdowns every month. However, sometimes it really seems like those two things are mutually exclusive of one another.
8. Appreciate what you do have… - Hmm, I probably don’t do this frequently enough.
9. …but a pity party is allowed once in a while- it’s okay to just wallow in sadness or anger in a given time, because it helps you get the upsetness out and then you can move on.
10. Stop comparing- Ie. don’t be jealous of your peers. Know that everyone’s different and are in different situations.
11. Be in the present- In other words, stop being nostalgic about the past and worrying about the future… I think this one will the most difficult one for me to follow. I have extremely good, detailed memory of the things I want to remember, and I am a planner.
12. Stop overanalyzing things, including yourself- But I like and am good at critical thinking and looking at things from multiple angles!... This is going to be another hard one.
13. “Know That 'Having It All' Is a Myth”- Very hard to accept when I want to be the best that I can and improve myself and all that jazz!...
…and then there are a bunch on career, which I personally think I can do without.
That’s all I got. Hopefully I can practice what I preach.
*Sources cited 1 2
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