Thursday, January 12, 2012

I packed up and moved!

If anyone still reads this, my new way better and more often-updated blog is at

Friday, October 15, 2010

With How Funny Life Is

I don't have time to write a real post (the more accurate explanation is actually because I am not very motivated to do one), but I feel obligated to introduce a more optimistic tone into this blog after all the negativity that is the dark black hole of job hunting...

It will take too long for me to describe exactly what's been happening in my life recently, but basically, I went from :( to :). As simple as that. Factors/reasons include:

- I got hired as a paid full-time marketing intern 2 weeks before I was supposed to give up on marketing and become a clothing retail salesgirl during the day who moonlights as a go-go dancer at night.

- Even though I was sad that I couldn't live with one of my best friends Priya anymore due to her job, I have found a great apartment to share with 3 amazing older dudes. They're my older brother/father figures who are 30 years old. I love them, and I'm learning a lot about men (translation: they never mature).

- I am loving living in San Francisco. City girl at heart, wassup?

- Overall successful albeit slow rebuilding of relationships with my family.

- Discovering that true friends stay in touch and care about each other no matter how far away or how busy they are. (You know I'm talking to you: Melissa, Ashley, and Priya)

- And many other smaller things, of course.

There are also things that made me change my attitude and worldview for the better:

- Yoga, excluding my impure ulterior motive, too.

- The book "Eat, Pray, Love." I HIGHLY recommend everyone to read this true story. The movie is a shallow adaption of the book but that's always expected.


I'm not talking about miracles like I found the cure for cancer but miracles on a small personal scale. Think when Anne Hathaway's character Mia in the movie "Princess Diaries" says she wants a miracle different from discovering that she's an European princess (Yes, I just admitted that I love that film). That kind of miracles. Two examples:

- I got hired as an intern on Friday the 13th. And earlier that day I received 4 other calls for 4 other interviews. And later that day I ended up not needing to pay for dinner by accident on the waiter's part...and no, I'm not that good of a person to let him know that my dinner wasn't on the check. All on supposedly the unluckiest day ever.

- I was able to reconnect with my (long-lost in a way) high school best friend Kali through finding her beauty blog on Eliza Dushku's tweet. Yea. WTF, right?!

I've realized lately how incredibly powerful the timing of things is. Thankfully, it has been favoring me instead of acting against me... I don't know if you can tell (most likely), but I have control issues. I want to plan out everything. I want to know what's on schedule for me at all times. The scariest part of quarter life crisis for me is the uncertainly and unpredictability of what will happen when. For other people it may be fun and spontaneous; for me, it's something that I try desperately to prevent from happening.

With everything happening lately though, I've been able to let loose a bit and let things come to me naturally without worrying THAT much. It's not an easy task for me to do at all to "go with the flow," "roll with the punches," and "play it by ear" (*secret groan because I dislike these phrases*) but optimism does come natural to me, so at least I got that.

I've also started to pray almost daily. I am still non-religious and one of the most secular people ever though because my prayers are said to an unnamed higher power of no organized religion. It's more for organizing my own thoughts and feelings, and sending positive thoughts and energy to those whom I think need help. And it's pretty casual. I just pray lying in bed right before I fall sleep. Basically, I stole this from the author of "Eat, Pray, Love" Elizabeth Gilbert. So far, it's been going really well. Can't really tell if my prayers are coming true per se, but they make me feel better.

I am sensing a new part of quarter life crisis coming my way though as I start to worry about my career path since I can't possibly be an intern forever. But this time, instead of freaking out with sheer panic as I see a storm approach, I chill on the beach and say "eh, I will deal with it when it comes closer."

Life is so funny. It's like I never got its humor until recently, and I am only able to laugh at its old jokes now. Good one, life!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

With Sports

For those of you who know me well, the title of this post may have shocked you. Sure, I did cross country and track & field in high school, but I still don’t understand the rules of American football, mainly because I don’t care enough to learn, and I used to refuse to watch most of sports events unless there are really attractive players involved, or if it’s the Olympics. Figure skating was the only sport that I regularly watched willingly. For fun, I play volleyball, badminton, pool, ping pong (yes I get that those are very “East Asian sports”) and more recently tennis, but mainly my forms of exercise consist of pilates, yoga, and dance classes. And honestly, I could think of a million things I would rather do before watching sports.

Basically I never have been really into team sports or contact sports, both participating and watching. I never understood fans of sports teams. Why are they so sad when their team loses? It’s not like they themselves played. What’s the point of hating the other team’s fans? They’re just like you, no? Of course, Michelle Kwan held the strings to my heart whenever she took a leap during the winter Olympics, but I was never going to drink heavily if she fell or anything. I just couldn’t relate to the camaraderie of sports fans at all.

Lately though, I have started to voluntarily watch the NBA finals and World Cup. I realized that the reason it was never fun for me to watch these games is that I wasn’t watching with the right people. When I watched the Celtics vs. Lakers finals with Vivian, she always answered all my questions patiently and even told me which players were cute. When I watched the World Cup with Ashley, she would explain everything to me and of course, pointed out when an attractive player is on screen. It’s totally different from when I used to try to watch sports with my guy housemates. They just became impatient with my questions: “It would take like, an hour to explain to you” (such lies!) because they just wanted to watch in peace.

It’s funny because I never was rooting for any particular team, but I would get super nervous nonetheless, to the point where I ate a lot of extra food out of stress. To prevent stress-eating, I actually chewed through 3 pieces of gum once just in one half of a soccer game.

This year was my first time ever watching the NBA finals and World Cup, but I’m glad that I started sooner than later. I look forward to enjoy more sports in the future! I’m thinking tennis.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

With Cute Animals

There's just something about small mammals (okay birds, too): Their unusual body proportions. Their unique movements. Their innocence and curiosity. They just make me so happy, all warm and fuzzy on the inside, or giggle uncontrollably. In any case, they always make me feel better, no matter what, which explains why I've been spending a lot of time on Cute Overload. This website is so a-m-a-z-i-n-g. I feel like the whole world changed when I discovered it Freshman year of college. Here are some recent video gems that I absolutely adore.

Super cute kitty getting disturbed during sleep "No...stop it..."

One of those kitties that kind of looks like its face is a bit squashed playing
This makes me go into baby voice, fur sure.

Baby bunny eating a daisy Enough said, right?!

And here are just some fun ones:

Cat guarding bananas This is HILARIOUS! Watch until the very end!

Most epic hamster ever I used to think they're stupid...Naw, dude. They fooled you.

Kittens on a slide I literally yelled out loud toward the end. NoooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo!!!

And I don't mean to be dissing on dogs, but it's videos like this that make think, man, dogs are so uncool, unlike cats.

No hatin' here, y'all. I still like dogs. I just like cats more.

Yea, I need to get a kitty soon. Very soon.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

With This State of Limbo

I graduated from UC Berkeley with a B.A. degree in Mass Communications in May. W00t. Now what?

I’ve been searching for jobs and applying, but it feels like I am throwing my resumes and cover letters into a dark silent abyss that very occasionally responds and only when it feels like it. I know our economy is currently suffering a recession, but DAMN. I can stand waiting when I know when the end is expected, but it seems like the end may never come. I’ve talked with a lot of my friends who are in the same boat as me about this, and we honestly wonder, if we’re the ones who supposedly have our s*** together, then what’s happening to those who don’t?

Many people have asked me how I feel as a recent graduate. Honestly, I don’t feel that much different, perhaps due to the fact that I’m still here in Berkeley. Plus it’s summer. I’m used to not being in school during summer. I’m still going to be in Berkeley for a few more weeks or so, just subletting from a friend, before I move to San Francisco with Priya. At this point, it looks like I’ll move in before I land a job, which is fine. From my research online about job hunting, the average person takes 4 months to do it. Hmm. I started about 1.5 month ago so I suppose I have 2.5 months left. I have until September. By September 1st, I’m going to give up looking for marketing jobs and start searching for something that isn’t what I have planned. There are a lot of listings out there for marketing, and I've applied to what seems like a lot, but besides a few interviews that are miniscule compared to the amount I've applied for, nothing. I have pretty awesome alternatives in my mind, but still terribly worrisome.

I have a routine now every weekday: I wake up, I eat breakfast, I job hunt, I eat lunch at home or with a friend, I job hunt, I go work out (most of the time), I come back, eat and shower, I job hunt, I sleep. I surf the internet or chat with my friends on IM once in a while during this daily schedule. I go to bed almost every day around midnight and I wake up every day around 9 am. I pretty much stare at my computer all day...So I almost have the schedule of a full-time working professional. Getting ready too soon? I guess I've always liked to prepare early! *sarcastic guffaw*

OK now I’m going to throw in a completely weird analogy, but hear me out. This limbo state between college and “the real world” is similar to the situation regarding my hair right now. I’ve had my hair short for 10 years. I love it and I’m so used to it. Earlier this year I decided to grow it out because it seems like a good change, but it’s taking way longer than expected. The layers of my hair were cut in a very extreme way for my short hairdos, but as they grow longer, they look really stupid, for the lack of better terms. The hair salon lady has to slowly even them out every time I go in, taking a large chunk of my hair off. Sure, if I don’t do anything to it, I probably would have much longer hair but I will certainly look silly.

This situation is extremely awkward. I’m not accustomed to it; sometimes I have doubts about my decision (“What if I just go back to my old ways?! Oh but I already spent a lot of time on changing it”). Sometimes I even wonder if I’m doing it for the right reasons. Sometimes I see other women with awesome short hair and I get jealous.

I am not going to lie; I alternate among the following stages of emotions about this whole thing: gentle optimism, complete panic, restless anxiety, jealous bitterness, irritated upsetness, escapist avoidance, and stoic nonchalance.

Everyone (older and young, in school and working) keeps telling me the same advice: it’s difficult times right now, life will present its path to you eventually, etc. I appreciate the kindness, but is there anyone who can give me more practical tips?

Thanks, quarter life crisis. You’re driving me nuts.

Monday, March 1, 2010

With My Alter Ego/Muses

So in my Sexy Ladies Hip Hop dance class (the name may seem laughable but we take it as a very serious business, and it's fantastic), the instructor often tells us to channel our inner alter ego, ie. Beyonce and Sasha Fierce, in order to bring out more of a character to our moves.

I haven't named mine yet (sidenote: whatever name I thought of, it just sounds like a porn star/stripper's name), but I can tell you now who together in combination will make up my alter ego, because obviously I am too complex to have just one type of personality for my doppelganger:

Lady Gaga + Beyonce + Lily Allen + Rihanna + Tina Fey

This may be slightly confusing and impossible, but for instance, if you look at my dramatically different outfits from day to day, then you'll realize that I am always channeling one or two of those wonderful ladies' attitudes' with each of my outfit. And I am sorry that I am not deep enough to have anyone besides pop stars and a comedian, but this is MY alter ego.

Well I've also bought the art/feminist studies book Dangerous Women: The Perils of Muses and Femme Fatales recently. I've begun to read it and it's really fascinating. Maybe I'll find more inspiration there soon. ;)

P.S. This semester so far has been AMAZING. <3

Friday, February 19, 2010

With This Rainer Maria Rilke Quote

"I beg you... to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."

For myself and others who look for explanations and cannot find them.